The Mother in All of Us

I know it's a day early, but since I will be busy tomorrow pretending it's just another day, I thought I'd get my Mother's Day tribute in tonight.  My own mother is no longer alive, and my three kids live too far away to visit, although I did think the one in Australia would at least make an effort to come for the weekend.  ;)

Without meaning to offend anyone, I must admit that I am not a fan of Mother's Day.  Or Father's Day.  Or Grandparents Day.  Or Third Cousin Twice Removed Day.  While these can be happy occasions for those fortunate enough to have all their relatives alive and well and not dysfunctional, I think these designated days can be painful for those less fortunate.  If I take a mental inventory of the people I know, I could quickly run out of fingers and toes to count those for whom the day might be a struggle to get through.  I'm thinking of Lyndsay and Trish, who lost their mothers when they were children.  I'm thinking of Amy, who lost her mother in a fire shortly after she left for college.  And I'm thinking of Jessie, who has suffered too many miscarriages to become a mother.  I'm thinking of Mary, whose cervical cancer when she was young took away her chance at motherhood, and I'm thinking of my sister, whose daughter has estranged herself from her family.  I'm thinking of my friend Lori and my cousin Lynne, who lost their sons so young.  I'm thinking of all the people I don't know whose mothers are dead or drug-addicted or in prison or nowhere to be found.  And the mothers for whom the same is true of their children.  But "Happy Mother's Day!" we chirp at them.  Happy?

So on the eve of this Hallmark holiday on which all mothers are saints, let's take a minute to think why.  There are qualities ascribed to mothers that we all champion, primary among them the idea of nurturing.  (As if only mothers have this ability.)  And I do place nurturing pretty high on the list of adjectives I would like people to use when they talk about me at my memorial service.  So what does one do to be considered  nurturing?  Feed and protect, support and encourage, educate and train.  Last time I checked, one did not have to have given birth to be able to do those things.

Last year, my son called me to tell me about something exciting he'd just learned.  Apparently, while I was pregnant with him, he and I were exchanging fluids, back and forth, for the ten months (almost) that I carried him.  As a result, he told me, my DNA was in him, and his DNA was in me.  The fact that my son was so excited about this discovery meant more to me than the actual truth of it.  So if I have a "maternal instinct," I must have shared that with my son.  My point is . . . we're made of the same stuff.  We are all capable of being loving, caring, nurturing individuals.  So why don't we celebrate that?

So today I am in love with the Mother in All of Us.  And just so I don't have to feel like a humbug, Peaceful Mother's Day Wherever You Are to my own dear mother.