The Father in All of Us

Maybe you saw that one coming, as Mother's Day Eve got a similar post.  Yes, tomorrow is a day that many will celebrate and enjoy, but I will not be among them.  As I did with Mother's Day, I will be out in the garden, pretending it's just another Sunday.

I never had a grandfather; they both died before I was born.  My own father, with whom I had a less-than-close relationship, died when I was 22.  My husband, the father of my children, died of cancer when they were 17, 14, and 10.   So you can see why Father's Day is not a celebration for me, or for my kids.

You might be thinking that it could be a day for reflective thought about what a loving father Pete was.  But that, you see, would make it like any other day.  I would guess that not a day goes by that my kids don't think about their father.  I know that not a day goes by that I don't think about him.

I don't have any statistics to back this up, but I think it's probably true that there are more fatherless children than motherless children out there.  Statistics will show that women tend to live longer than men, for one thing, and I think statistics will also bear out the fact that more children who live in single-parent households live with a mother than with a father.

So.  All that said, what do I do with this day, this post, this fatherless world?  I guess I will look for the father in all of us.

If one ascribes to stereotypes, mothers are the nurturers. Fathers are the practical ones, the ones that teach their children how to change the oil, mow the lawn, build a birdhouse, spread the mulch, shovel the driveway, take out the garbage, balance the checkbook, fire up the grill, fill out a bracket, repair a leaky sink, paint a room, put air in the tires, drive long distances for vacation.  I've done quite a few of those things and taught my kids how to do them, but when it comes to filling out a bracket, I fall short.  And changing the oil means a trip to Jiffy Lube, easy enough.  But can I take the place of their father?  No way in hell.

So be gentle tomorrow.  Celebrate your fathers, your grandfathers, your husbands.  But be mindful of those of us who no longer have any of those.  And then be grateful for what the Universe has allowed you to have.

Happy Father's Day.  To whomever that applies.  And for the rest of us, love the memories.