Love

I might have titled this post Apprehension  or Anxiety, but then, I'm not in love with those things.  I have anticipated and dreaded this day for a long time.  And here it is  . . . the last post.  Really, what else could I title it but Love?  I am in love with love.

Now to be honest, I had two fantasies about this blog, neither of which became reality.  I imagined that maybe, just maybe, by the end of the year, I would actually be in love with a real, live man!  I mean, c'mon, wouldn't that have made a great ending?  Didn't happen.  I also fantasized that somewhere out in the blogosphere there would be a publisher who would stumble upon this and contact me about publication.  I always imagined it as a page-a-day calendar.  Well, that didn't happen either.  So what did happen?

For one thing, the blog forced me to be more observant.  Every day for the past year, I had to pay attention to what the Universe was offering to me.  There were times when those gifts were easy to find, like animal tracks in the snow, the Northern Lights, dragonflies, the Lost Coast Highway, or half a dead baby bunny.  And there were times when I had to look hard to find the gifts, like candlewax, windows, mirrors, or sitting still.  I hope that I continue to look for the gifts, even though I won't necessarily be writing about them.

The blog opened me up to finding beauty in the ordinary.  A simple walk in the woods became full of wonders, because I looked for them.  Food tasted better after I thought about its growth from tiny seeds.  The weather offered contemplation of the diversity of nature.  And daily chores took on a mindfulness that made them less tedious.  I have always been moved by the Louis Armstrong song What a Wonderful World (especially the Joey Ramone version!) and I don't ever want to lose that awareness.  I do believe that writing this blog has allowed me to focus more on the beauty than on the dysfunction in this often polarized world.

Let me take you back to the beginning.  This was how I began the blog:  It was a bitterly cold late-January morning.  I was teetering on the edge of Winter Depression, a place I am prone to visit when I cannot be outside in the garden.  Depression.  Because of this blog, I suffer less depression.  It's true.  As far as I'm concerned, this blog is better than Paxil.  I'm not saying that I don't sink from time to time.  But I recognize that fall into darkness as a temporary departure, and I seem to be able to climb back out fairly quickly.  I think, too, that I have become more open.  Life isn't going to be the dream I once had, but there are places to go, people to meet, new things to try, and I am a willing adventurer, more than I was one year ago.

The Beatles said it best:  All You Need Is Love.  It's not an abstraction for me anymore.  Writing this blog has taught me to find love everywhere I can.  It is with that spirit that I close this chapter, this year-long journey to fall in love again.  To those of you who have traveled with me, I hope that you, too, look at the world a little differently now.  Above all, I wish you love.

So long for now!